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My girlfriend is angry at me

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Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be. But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities. Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify their relationships.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 10 Signs Your Girlfriend Is SECRETLY Mad At You

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I Screwed Up And My Girlfriend Is Mad At Me-What Now?

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When I went to live with my girlfriend a few years ago I was initially surprised by how she got very angry using a very aggressive tone, shouting, ecc.. By angry, I mean that she might use a very aggressive tone and shout with rant lasting several minutes.

She never got physically aggressive or anything of that sort. Just to give you some examples of the things that could make her angry were me saying some inappropriate jokes, the fact that I was frequently late or the fact that I was frequently a bit absent-minded or absorbed in other things.

While recognizing my mistakes, I made her notice that her reactions were somehow excessive and we reached the conclusion that I should be more careful around here in some contexts and at the same time that she should take better care of her behavior when annoyed or angry. After a few years, now the situation is kind of different.

I think I really improved with her and I am much now more careful, she also completely recognizes this. Unfortunately, at the same time, she worsened her behavior. She still gets angry, but now over smaller and smaller issues. Also, while at first, it happened mainly when we were alone, now she's doing this when other people are around, even friends or relatives, making it even more painful and embarrassing. I never got so irrationally angry at her and never shouted at her in any way.

When she gets angry and starts shouting I generally just shut up until she's over and then tell her that she went mental again. She generally answers at first by trying to justify herself in some way and then by recognizing that I'm right and the issue at hand was ridiculous or sometimes even non-existent! Unfortunately, after a just a few days, we are again dealing with the same situation. I think it's important to add that she doesn't behave in this way with her friends or acquaintances, while she does instead something similar with her parents.

I think it's also valuable to say that she told me that her parents used to fight in this way quite frequently, especially when she was a child. I tried to talk to her about the reasons behind her behavior, to try to understand if she just got really angry over nothing or she just has excessive reactions when she is just slightly annoyed and she seems to be more inclined to believe the latter. As a solution, I really tried to talk to her about this a lot and even suggested that she could visit a specialist something she is now considering.

She may be looking at something funny on the web and asks me to join her. While doing it together it may come to my mind something related that I'm sure she may appreciates and I suggest her to search for that. Maybe she doesn't do that immediately and that's fine of course so after a few minutes I suggest it again and she flies off the handle.

She may start to scream about how she wants to look at what she prefers, how she wants to be left alone, that she has already wasted too much time doing nothing, that she already had a very tough day and I'm only making it worse, and similar things. She had a very good childhood, in a upper-middle class family where she was treated like a princess. Her parents are a very strong couple, very close together. They just happened to share a lot of time together both worked from home and when some conflict arose they reacted by raising their voices, but AFAIK never insulting each others or worse.

I will be honest, your relationship is extremely close to an abusive relationship, even without violence. As you said she is prone to anger over the smallest of details, wich means that you're walking on eggshells all the time.

Not only is it probably extremely stressfull for you to have to be so careful on an everyday basis, if things keeps getting worse it might become dangerous. You also said that her parents used to act this way during her childhood, but there is one difference.

You said when some conflict arose they reacted by raising their voices the difference here is that while both of her parents where involved in the shouting, here you just brace for it and take it. While I totally understand that you don't want to escalate things, it also means one thing: Her parents were arguing, she is vanting.

In an argument two people are trying to get their point across. Wich means both persons admit there is a problem to solve. When someone is vanting their anger, they just take any excuse to get angry, and start shouting.

And that's a major issue, because, unlike an argument there is no way to argue against someone vanting, because, even if you prove that they are completely wrong, they'll get angry at something else.

The point that is the most concerning to me though is: saying she's sorry and will be more careful in the future. This is something that happens extremely often in an abusive relationship, when a man hit a women, or the other way around, many of them will apologise, say "I love you, I'll be better, this won't happens again" but the cycle keeps going again, and again, and again. And the abused keep forgiving the abuser, saying "But they're so great when they're not angry".

If you couple that with the fact that after a few years she did not improve, but got worse if thing keeps going the way it does, it might become a really dangerous situtation. If she did not improve by herself, then she needs to seek professional help, not only for your sake, but for hers as well.

Constantly getting angry is not a good thing for anyone involved, and a professional will probably be able to teach her how to relativise. Something that might help too is to try and assert yourself when she gets angry over nothing If you haven't tried of course.

If you're not naturally assertive, and tends to be more passive, there might be some people that might be able to teach you how to be more assertive.

Another solution a friend of mine used in a similar situation with his roommate instead of a SO would be to record one or several of her outbursts, and show it to her. Sometime, even when we know we did something wrong, we don't realsie how wrong until we see it from an outsider perspective. While I am not a fan of that kind of solution it feels like manipulation to me it worked for him, so it might work for you.

I had a similar situation with a girlfriend, in my 20's. For the record, we eventually broke up! What worked for me with one girl so I don't know if it would generalize is walking out. I just said, "I'm leaving so I don't get angry," and left, for hours.

I think I did that about 4 times, and the behavior stopped. The first time, I wasn't sure if I was walking into a fight, but I came in, went to the fridge to get a soda, and sat on the couch and turned on the TV. After a few minutes she asked me where I went: To my sister's house, my brother in law and I watched a movie on DVD. After about a minute of silence I said I was ordering Chinese, and asked if she wanted anything. She did. So I pretended nothing happened, and she did too. I did almost exactly the same thing the next time, and the next time, and the next time.

Then there were no more times. I can't remember why I walked out, perhaps I was thinking I don't know what to do, but staying here is making it worse. I do know that when I did it, I wasn't thinking "this might work," I was thinking and told my brother in law; a pretty good friend of mine I thought we were probably done. Eventually we broke up anyway, so perhaps the spiraling tantrum was a symptom of something else wrong with me and her. Maybe it was a kind of venting thing that helped her, and my walking out made it ineffective, and maybe that led to us breaking up!

This needs to be her issue, not yours. As you said, she is considering professional help to understand her anger, and this is probably the best course of action. At some later time counseling as a couple might be helpful so you can understand her issues too. You should stop trying to analyze this on behalf of the both of you. There are too many possible issues on her side. Many of them might predate your relationship, so there would be no way for you to try to analyze them or work on any solution.

Possibly she perceives some situations between you as threatening her security or status quo comfort zone , for whatever reason that might have nothing to do with you. This could manifest itself in various kinds of irrational response, including anger.

One concern with questions like yours is that we only hear one side of the story. Her side is just as important. If she were to write a question like yours about this topic the anger from her point of view, what do you think it would say? That question would be just as important as yours. Finally, there is a term that is commonly used in describing relationship issues, co-dependent , that you should be familiar with if you aren't already.

Basically, any behavior you tolerate you by default condone. I was like your girlfriend. I went from calm to going total nut job angry over small issues. Adding to that my wife also has a strong character did not help the situation and we where close to a divorce. What helped us? Professional advice. Now, comes the hard part with what you will really need help, showing her that she needs help. With me it was my wife giving me a deadline to fix myself.

I had half a year to go to psychiatrist before she would go to get a lawyer for the divorce. Take into note that I already knew our constant fights where hurting her emotionally but since she kept forgiving me I thought that every thing was ok until our next fight. So forgiving her even when is needed, is not going to help her.

You have to stand your ground telling her that she is hurting you and that you want to be happy with her but only if she gets attention. Explain to her that having a mental issue is no different from having the flu or other types of disease. The brain and its chemistry can be affected by external factors and they need healing treatments. Only that in most cases it not a virus, it is our past that caused those changes in our brain and its chemistry.

Also, if not treated, they can cause greater damage. Now imagine a heart disease untreated for that long period of time, well, depression can also cause great damage if untreated for a long time. So its actually pretty common.

Now you will also have to take a decision, if she goes to seek help, you will also have to help her with her treatment. So you will have to decide if you have the strength to go thru that with her.

It is not an easy path, but if you love her, you will find a way.

How to Deal With an Angry Girlfriend

Subscribe To Our Newsletter! The last thing you want to deal with is a pissed off girlfriend, but it does happen. When you care about someone, there are bound to be emotions on the rise. If you try to control an angry girl, you will force her to be defensive and push her to say the opposite of what you need to hear. If she says something nasty, you are best to not react, as hard as that is.

Sometimes it can be tough to please women. And when it's the matter of placating an upset girlfriend, then ideas generally don't come flooding in. If you are someone who requires help in such a situation, we've got a few suggestions

Her arms are crossed. You rack your brain for what you could have done… What did you say? Did your flirty banter with that waitress over lunch go too far? Your normally loving and soft woman is shut off and shut down.

10 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Mad At You

Updated: April 29, References. Getting her to forgive you can be challenging, but try to put your ego aside and make an honest effort to get back in her good graces. Start by apologizing, and mean it. Let her share her own perspective and feelings about the situation. Then, ask her how you can make it up to her and take steps to do so. Note: It can be frustrating to just sit there and hear all of the things that you did wrong. This will have the added benefit of showing her that you care enough to take the time to write your thoughts down.

10 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Mad At You

Sometimes, girls get annoyed without you knowing the reason behind their ire. Keep aside your ego and talk to her. Instead, be humble and overcome your pride, take the first step to apologize and talk to her. Apologize to her.

Updated: January 23, References.

Podcast: Play in new window Download Embed. Have you ever had an intimate partner be routinely upset with you , and you mostly had no clue why? How do your triggers from previous relationships show up in a new relationship, too?

What to Say When Your Girlfriend is Mad at You

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. When I went to live with my girlfriend a few years ago I was initially surprised by how she got very angry using a very aggressive tone, shouting, ecc..

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: She Gets Angry at Me for No Reason? Why? aaarrrggghhh!

Or you think she is. You don't know. You're tired of this cycle. I get it. But we're still going to be mad. And unfortunately, not knowing what you did wrong, or thinking what we're mad about is stupid, does not negate your responsibility to fix it!

6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal

However, no matter what the argument is about or how mad your girlfriend is feeling at you, there are some things that you should avoid saying to her…. When a woman is mad at her boyfriend, the last thing that she wants to do is calm down, relax and explain why she is feeling that way. For example: A guy might be in the habit of always putting his girlfriend second and not giving her enough time and attention. He might often cancel plans with her at the last minute, or hang out doing nothing with his friends rather than spending a bit of time with her. When he tells her that he has to cancel, she gets angry and hangs up on him, or refuses to talk to him when he gets home or calls her the next day. What did I do? I had to work late. What do you expect me to do?

And when it's the matter of placating an upset girlfriend, then ideas generally don't Even though I have said that every guy will face issues in his romantic life.

Черт! - Фонтейн снова схватил трубку и набрал номер мобильника Стратмора. На этот раз послышались длинные гудки. Фонтейн насчитал уже шесть гудков. Бринкерхофф и Мидж смотрели, как он нервно шагает по комнате, волоча за собой телефонный провод.

Директор АНБ напоминал тигра на привязи.

What To Do When She Is Mad At You

- Это Servicio Social de Sevilla. Вы уверены, что ваш брат приходил именно к. - Да-да.

19 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Is Mad At You Right Now

Она шагнула вперед, но и там была та же пустота. Сигналы продолжались. Источник их находился где-то совсем близко.

Поблагодарил меня за то, что я решил позвонить .

Коммандер. Стратмор даже не повернулся. Он по-прежнему смотрел вниз, словно впав в транс и не отдавая себе отчета в происходящем. Сьюзан проследила за его взглядом, прижавшись к поручню.

10 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Smile When She’s Mad at You

Так какая разница. Повисла тишина. Фонтейн, видимо, размышлял. Сьюзан попробовала что-то сказать, но Джабба ее перебил: - Чего вы ждете, директор. Позвоните Танкадо.

Скажите, что вы согласны на его условия. Нам нужен этот шифр-убийца, или все здесь провалится сквозь землю.

19 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Is Mad At You Right Now

Видите ли, ситуация не столь проста. Вы сказали, что самолет улетел почти пустой. Быть может, вы могли бы… - Право же, без фамилии я ничего не могу поделать. - И все-таки, - прервал ее Беккер.

Comments: 2
  1. Samukora

    It agree, a remarkable phrase

  2. Yozshut

    And you so tried?

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