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Finding your friend dead

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We got an email last week from someone who lost a friend. Not just any friend died, her best friend died. The kind of friend that is family. You know the kind of friend I mean.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How I found Out That My Online Friend Died

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Best Friend Died

Supporting a grieving friend or relative

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Some people who are suddenly bereaved have no choice over whether they ever see the body or not, because they see the body at a very early stage due to circumstance. Some witness the death. For example, people who witness the death of someone close to them in a road crash or a drowning or a sudden medically-caused death.

Other people arrive at the scene of the death just after that death. For example, someone discovers a loved one's suicide, or is alerted by someone else to the death of a loved one nearby that has only just happened. When recounting this experience later to researchers of sudden bereavement, suddenly bereaved people who witnessed a death or arrived at the scene shortly afterwards said they had an overwhelming desire to be beside the dead person; to hug and touch them and comfort them.

They did not want the dead person to be alone and they wanted the dead person to be with someone who loves them. In other words, the bereaved person still felt their dead loved one had a "social identity" and needed nurturing [1].

Often suddenly bereaved people at this time will resist strongly any attempt by professionals or other carers to keep them away from their loved one's body. The bereaved person's experience of seeing their loved one's body at this time will be different to seeing their loved one's body later. There will be no control at this early stage over whether or not they see any visible injuries or physical damage to their dead loved one's body.

There will be no ability to prepare for the situation they find themselves in. In the case of violent disasters, it is often a chaotic, fast moving experience. After a sudden death there are usually opportunities to see the body in a more formal and usually much calmer setting, such as when it is laid out in a mortuary or funeral parlour.

There are often many people who were close to the person who died, including children, who may wish to consider seeing the body at this stage, and who did not see the body at the time of the death. The decision to view a body of a loved one is a big decision. It results in a suddenly bereaved person experiencing something that usually creates a strong memory, central to the experience of the bereavement. This can be a memory viewed positively or negatively, or both. However, the feelings that result from that memory may change over time.

The decision not to view a body is also a big decision. It can result in feelings of regret at not seeing the reality of the death with "my own eyes". Arguably this is something that may be felt more often in cases of sudden death, due to the unexpected and unanticipated nature of the death, and therefore the feeling of unreality often associated with it. Research by Oxford University published in the British Medical Journal [1] interviewed people suddenly bereaved about their experience of viewing or not viewing the body of their loved one.

Therefore, while many suddenly bereaved people may find the experience helpful, it is inadvisable to encourage a suddenly bereaved person to view a body.

To enable a bereaved person to make the choice that is best for them, you can help by asking them relevant questions and providing them with relevant information. The below guidance helps you to do this. Some people who have been suddenly bereaved may want to view the body of their loved one because they have had a positive experience of viewing a body previously, for example a grandparent who died in old age.

If someone dies of old age then their body in death often looks fairly similar to their body in life. However, when someone dies suddenly in childhood or in mid life their body may look very different to how the person looked when alive. This is particularly the case if their death was violent, or they had urgent medical intervention such as a major operation prior to death. Maggie says: "I had seen the body of my grandmother so I wasn't worried about seeing my husband's body.

I knew that seeing my grandmother's body had helped me come to terms with her death so I thought it would be the same when I saw Gary's body. I just didn't think how different it would be. Gary's body was destroyed by the car crash. When he was in the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital the staff had wired up his broken jaw and not bothered to tell me it was broken because he had so many internal injuries and other broken bones so they felt his jaw was unimportant information; a minor detail.

But when he died and I went to see the body I was utterly shocked that his face looked so collapsed. I thought he would look about the same in death as he had when he was on the life support machine. I remember screaming "That's not my husband" and running out. It was horrible.

I felt terrible, and I felt I had behaved terribly, with no self control. This left me with feelings of misery and some embarrassment. As someone helping a bereaved person, it is therefore useful to know what changes have occurred to a body, and, firstly, to tell a bereaved person that there have been changes, then, secondly, ask the bereaved person if they wish to know the details of those changes in order to assist them to make the decision to view a body or not.

Some bereaved people may not want to be told about any changes to the body and may not want to view the body. They may wish to remember the person how they were in life, and not have this memory intruded upon in any way, either by being told what the body looks like or by seeing the body. Some bereaved people may want to discover the changes for themselves and not be receptive to being given information second hand. Charlotte arrived to view the body of her sister.

She was taken into an empty room with no explanation. With no warning, a curtain was swept back and she found herself within a metre of her sister's body, on a table behind the curtain. Charlotte says: "It was like a magician's trick and a terrible shock. It made me want to run out of there straight away. I burst into tears and only stayed a few minutes. I really regret the way this made me feel and the whole experience. John went to view the body of his son in a hospital mortuary.

He was taken into a small intimate room containing only his son's body. While he was in the room a member of the mortuary staff stood solemnly in the corner. I had been anticipating this time with my son's body and wanted it to be special and private. Yet this man was in the corner the whole time. I remember it made me feel very self-conscious and left me feeling like he was a prison warden; there to check I didn't do anything silly, such as run off with the body.

It didn't give me a good feeling. It was such a vivid experience that I remember every single detail. I remember that the man was wearing a white coat with a small enamel badge on it of a steam engine. I have no idea why; I presume he was a train enthusiast. But I remember thinking "Why are you interfering with my private experience of grief by being there and making me think about steam trains when I want to be thinking about my son?

Every detail about the viewing experience matters and every detail can be explained to a person who is going to view a body, before they view a body. As someone caring for the suddenly bereaved person, you can help by:. Jane was only five when her father died. Her mother told her that "Daddy isn't here anymore. His body is here, but the rest of him had gone away to heaven. She had thought the word "body" meant his torso, so she thought she was only going to see his chest and stomach areas and that his head and limbs had gone up "into the sky to another planet".

If you are giving information to someone who is considering whether to view a body it is important to ensure that your information is understood. This is particularly important to check when talking to children, or people who are communicating in a second language or have hearing difficulties.

One way to ensure your information is understood is to seek consideration through continued conversation and repetition. For example, "I've told you a few things that I'm just going to list again now. I've told you that you won't be able to touch your dad's chest area, and that only his head and hands will be exposed, and that his eyes will be shut and his skin colour will be purple due to internal bleeding.

I've told you that a mortician will be present. Do you have any thoughts about what this experience may be like for you if you decide to see him? If more than one person wants to view the same body, have conversations with these people about whether they want to do the viewing on their own or together. Sometimes viewing rooms may be small and get crowded easily, reducing the quality of the experience.

Children's experiences have to be managed with particular care, ensuring they are accompanied by an adult helper who will assist them appropriately to understand what they are seeing. It is also important for bereaved people to consider what they are going to do after viewing a body.

Will they be able to sit somewhere safe and quiet and have a few minutes to themselves and an offer of a hot drink before facing the world again? What will their plans be for the rest of the day; will it be possible to do something relaxing, with people they trust and know, that doesn't require extensive travel? When managing the experience, it is important to be aware of, and consider the implications, of any religious rules or rituals that wish to be followed by a person viewing the body, such as touching and preparing a body through procedures such as washing and wrapping, or only allowing certain people to visit at certain times.

The importance of such rules or rituals to loved ones should be considered sensitively alongside any needs for post-mortem examination by pathologists and forensic scientists. Some families may object to the touching of the body by a non-faith member, but there is no rule for this in Hinduism, Islam or Sikhism in emergency situations.

In Islam an invasive post-mortem examination involving cutting open the body is forbidden and it may, in some circumstances and in some countries, be possible to agree a non-invasive post mortem examination. It is important to be receptive to cultural and religious differences and consult with the family to identify their particular needs. Although there are some general rules, it is important not to make assumptions based on a religious or cultural background.

However, knowledge of other backgrounds may make communication and understanding easier. Often, the police require identification of a body; however sometimes no-one wants to view the body. In this case, some countries allow identification through a photograph, or through glass. About Sudden What is sudden death? Helpline for carers Guidance for carers Supporting children Tools and reports.

Home About About Sudden What is sudden death?

How to Write a Eulogy for a Friend Who Died Suddenly

Some people who are suddenly bereaved have no choice over whether they ever see the body or not, because they see the body at a very early stage due to circumstance. Some witness the death. For example, people who witness the death of someone close to them in a road crash or a drowning or a sudden medically-caused death. Other people arrive at the scene of the death just after that death.

Coronavirus update : Please be aware — some of the information on this page may have changed because of the ongoing coronavirus situation. For example, some grief support including face-to-face appointments may not be available. You may have to tell other people about the death of a friend or family member.

Find out more about cookies and your privacy in our policy. In public school, in about grade three, I met a girl named Alicia. We would hang out nearly every lunch period and work together on our assignments. We told each other everything that happened in our lives.

My unforgettable friend

The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. The death of a friend is a loss that most people face at some point in their lives — often many times. But it is a grief that may not be taken seriously by employers, doctors or others. The so-called hierarchy of grief , a scale used to determine who is considered a more legitimate mourner than others, puts family members at the top. For this reason, the death of a close friend can feel shunted to the periphery and has been described as a disenfranchised grief. There has not been much research on the impact the death of a friend has on a person, so we set out to address this with our latest study. We discovered that, far from being a trivial loss, the health and well-being of people who lose a close friend has a heavy toll in the four years after that loss. Of the people who completed the survey, over 9, had experienced the death of a close friend.

Psychological Impact of Finding a Dead Body

When someone dies, particularly someone you were close to, it can be devastating and overwhelming. Bereavement affects us all, but everyone will cope with it differently and experience different feelings. Grief affects people in different ways. There are a few feelings that people commonly describe, but your own experience might be different. Intense feelings can be frightening, but they usually ease over time.

One of the mainstays of haunted houses is exhibits that include dead human bodies.

Coronavirus update : Please be aware — some of the information on this page may have changed because of the ongoing coronavirus situation. For example, some grief support including face-to-face appointments may not be available. But the support of friends and family can help the person feel supported and loved. Film: How can I help someone with grief?

When Death Moves In: grief after a death in the home

S even years ago, my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer before dying three and a half years later. It was a horrible time, during which I relied heavily on support from friends and family. While I made sure to thank the people who were there for me, I noticed that most remained worried about doing and saying the right thing.

There are very few things in life that are harder to face than the sudden death of someone you care about. It's especially difficult for young people to experience the tragic and unexpected loss of a friend, because it happens at a time when you are feeling like you're getting your life under control, and none of this "bad stuff" could happen to you. The shock of seeing that it actually can happen to someone close to you can make you feel pretty vulnerable yourself. It also happens at a time in your life where you're usually putting some distance between yourself and your parents, who have been your main source of support. You may feel you need them more than ever, but your quest for independence also makes you not want to depend on them too much.

How you might be feeling when someone dies

Before we get started, I just want to give a quick heads up about the content of this post. To do that topic justice, it means we talk about some very specific details of people dying at home, both expectedly and unexpectedly. You probably also know that my dad died in an ICU in a hospital when I was 18, several years before. The night John died, I got the call and rushed home from work to find my sister sobbing on the porch. She had come home just a little before and found him. Though it was much too late, she called , pulled him to the floor and started CPR. His defining brown curls faced me, and I just stood there, lost. There was nothing to do.

The night John died, I got the call and rushed home from work to find my sister When we came back our good friend had overdosed in her bathroom and we.

That version of me would not know the loss I was about to experience. And never could I predict the journey I would begin the day my best friend died. The thing about life is that all of us are going to experience great loss, if we have not already. Nothing anyone could have said could have prepared me for this, but I believe I have learned these lessons to help others; whether it be to cope with grief, or live more fully.

Updated: January 31, References. It's never a great experience finding that a loved one, or anyone for that matter, has passed on. It may all be a shocking, traumatic and convoluted experience all in one, perhaps even more so in cases where the body is found somewhere strange.

When someone you care about is grieving after a loss, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. The bereaved struggle with many intense and painful emotions, including depression, anger, guilt, and profound sadness. Often, they also feel isolated and alone in their grief, since the intense pain and difficult emotions can make people uncomfortable about offering support.

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The body-finding scene in movies and TV shows alway goes a bit like this: dog walker is out in the woods. The dog finds something in the bushes, followed by a gasp. Cut to police taping up the scene, and the dog walker is never seen nor heard from again. I've always found it hard to concentrate at that jump cut to police tape.

Бринкерхофф громко сглотнул. - Так что вы хотите сказать? - спросил. - Джабба хотел сказать, что это, возможно, не шифр-убийца. - Конечно же, это убийца! - закричал Бринкерхофф.  - Что еще это может. Иначе Танкадо не отдал бы ключ. Какой идиот станет делать на кольце надпись из произвольных букв.

Хейл понимал: то, что он сейчас скажет, либо принесет ему свободу, либо станет его смертным приговором. Он набрал в легкие воздуха. - Вы хотите приделать к Цифровой крепости черный ход. Его слова встретило гробовое молчание.

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